My guess, without knowing your father, is that he is very likely sad and feeling helpless. Don’t blame yourself and be aware of your emotions. Accepting and acknowledging helps you put things in perspective.
She’s a frail and pathetic looking woman who looks and acts 10 years older than she is. Sounds tough, artless, especially as what shines through the most is your utter loyalty and love for your sober mum. When she is drunk everyone around her is wrong. My dad bears the brunt of it, but if he’s not there and I am, it will be me.
Why should it be different for mental health? Why isn’t there more research, more funding, more help available for everyone impacted by it? Fortunately, there are places where you can go for information, advice or just to talk to someone – places like Alcohol Change UK, Nacoa and Al-Anon. What we do have is limited contact with one another. And a pretence of a relationship which is normal, when it’s anything but. I’ve spoken to my dad about it, and I know he finds it difficult, too – probably more so than anyone else in the family.
My story: Growing up with an alcoholic parent
- But she always ruins lovely days with me and DD by getting drunk.
- He called it a Jekyll and Hyde situation.
- I have been advised there is really nothing I can do.
- Becky would sit and listen, and reassure her mum that she loved her.
The best thing you can do is enjoy your lives as best you can and do not allow your dm’s life to ruin and bring down yours and your db’s. As I am sure she wouldn’t want that happen. It is so sad that you and your db are so emotionally invested in her happiness and mental welfare when your dm really doesn’t care enough about yours to want to change.
Michelle Yeoh ‘felt a failure’ for not having children
Alternatively, join our online community of over 100,000 like-minded individuals. Evie, who works supporting others with their mental health, explained how, rather than “drowning emotions in wine” she was learning to better regulate strong feelings. She said that by finding ways to make more time to look after herself – including by running and going to crafting events – she was a better person, partner and mum.
‘I used alcohol to cope with my problems, but quitting booze made me happier, healthier and a better mum’
We are wired to connect to other people, it’s one of the things that has enabled humans to be so successful as a species and it is a powerful tool for the healing process. There are many ways you could approach the topic, and the best for you may vary depending on your relationship with your mum. Talitha thought she was the only one who knew that her drinking was getting out of hand. It took an intervention from her Chief Of Staff at work who sat her down and asked her if she was okay, for her to allow herself to accept the situation.
This year’s theme “Everybody Knows Somebody” underscores the ubiquity of addiction in our society. Taking Action on Addiction is a campaign to improve understanding of addiction and end the stigma that surrounds it. My advice to anyone going through this is don’t underestimate the importance of speaking to people about what you’re going through. It doesn’t need to be a secret surrounded by shame.
Charlie Barker says he set up the group to help people who are battling addictions. Iain Cunningham always believed that his birth had something to do with his mother’s death, but whatever it was seemed to be a family secret that couldn’t be discussed. It wasn’t until Iain was an adult with a family of his own that he uncovered who his mother really was and why she had died. Not long after her mum died Becky was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and although she always took her medication she wasn’t really taking care of herself. Then two years ago, around the time of her marriage to Jay, she realised she needed help, both liquor storage ideas for depression and to enable her to process the trauma she’d experienced growing up. Two years ago, on the eve of her wedding, Becky’s boyfriend Jay was celebrating with a few drinks.
Your needs must be met consistently in order for you to feel safe and develop secure attachments. This didnt happen in your dysfunctional family. Alcoholic families are in “survival mode.” Usually, everyone is tiptoeing around the alcoholic, trying to keep the peace and avoid a blow-up.
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to help her; she does not want your help or support. Talking to an alcoholic about their drinking is about as effective really as peeing in the sea. Her primary relationship is with drink and her next thoughts centre on where the next drink is going to come from.
If you are an ACoA (adult child of an alcoholic) or grew up in a dysfunctional/abusive situation, I hope you’re well on your healing journey, too. My departure from the environment and my father’s death forced Mom to be more of an adult than she ever had in her life. While her alcoholism is still destructive, my sister and I are much better today.